Surrender

Today I’m starting over again. I’ve made a decision to give up my place and enter the Helping Up Mission.  It was a decision that had to be made.  I literally killing myself here. Everything in me wanted to stay, but why. Heck these are just things that I have here. Things that I wont be able to use if I’m dead. I looked at myself in the mirror and I look terrible. Cant be no more than 160 pounds.  I used to ask how do you surrender? Well this is a surrender. Going to live with over 100 guys in a dorm setting. All most like jail. But not quite. Life’s all about decisions and at least today I’m making a good one, I ‘m chosing to live. Yesterday was my birthday, I’m still here and I still have a chance.

I kind of like bloging. It’s like journaling and if no one sees it than so be it and if they do and respond that all good to. Well its a 45 day blackout period so I wont be able to post anytime soon. But God willing I’ll be back

Struggling For Some Time

Hello this is THEYARD and its been quite awhile since I’ve posted an entry to this blog. Been busy or should I say been getting high. Yeah I’ve been killing myself slowly for quite sometime now. Haven’t surrendered nor have I made any progress in recovery. It hurts and I look around and see people who were just as hopeless as I am now doing well and moving on with their life. I just lost my job one of may during the last 20 years so I should be used to it. No it still hurts and I wonder if I will ever get this thing. I keep hearing that all I need to do is surrender. When I think I’ve surrendered It seems it was just a bluff. Maybe I one of the ones who have to die for others to live. I’ll be 48 years old in a couple of weeks and I’m just as hopeless today as I was when I started this 20 years ago. Do you know what it feels like to hear from your peers from the past and they have master degrees, houses, getting ready to retire. Hell I have nothing nothing nothing. If anyone can give some concrete suggestions on what I can do to progress in recovery without a lot of psyco babble please help

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The New Year is in Full Swing

Hello everyone I’m sorry that I haven’t posted anything lately, but I’ve been a little busy. Well the new year is in full swing. I hope everyone is doing well. I’m a little depressred because I’m still not working. I haven’t worked in over a year, my girl broke up with me and I’m behind on my gas and electric. However, I know that the good Lord will provide. No need to get stressed. How are you guys out there dealing with the stress of the new year. How are you dealing with strengthing your faith. Please help me.

Getting Started

Hello My name is Willie AKA “THEYARD” and I thought it would be great to take advantgage of the growing popularity of blogging. We at Hezekiah are manifold and are at different stages of recovery. I fell that it’s necessary to journal and talk about whats going on with us today. I believe that this forum will allow us to talk about how we are dealing with different aspect of recovery and our spiritual growth, which as I see it is one and the same. Recovery prepares us for “life”. Doing things and being responsible for ourselfs as well as others. Our spiritual growth brings us closer to the God of our understanding and therefore closer to our brothers and sisters.

Let’s get this thing started with just sharing about where you are today and how you are trying to improve your recover and spiritual growth. The new year is upon us and most of us make resolutions. What would be the number 1 thing you could do this year to improve your recovery/spiritual walk?

Willie “THEYARD” Gillyard

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